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PHIL SIMON

Award-winning author, dynamic keynote speaker, trusted advisor, & workplace tech expert 

Cross-Platform Data-Driven Mobile Blah Blah Blah

Do you understand what this company does? Me neither.
May | 19 | 2015

 

May | 19 | 2015
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checkov

Look at the following 38-word monstrosity of a sentence:

Appticles is an online platform suited for content creators (bloggers, small and medium publishing houses, but also data-driven enterprises) that enables them to effortlessly reach their mobile audience by packaging their existing content into cross-platform mobile Web applications.

Do you understand what this company does? Me neither.

So much confusion in a single sentence. Platform is in there twice. In a word, yuck.

How about this instead?

Wouldn’t it be cool to quickly reach your audience no matter where it is? Appticles is just the thing for you.

Which description makes you want to know more?

Simon Says

Less is almost always more, especially when you’re trying to explain what your company does.


I’m not looking to irritate people with these posts. I simply want to call out confusing language. The offending parties should see better results if they simplify their messages.

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2 Comments

  1. Michael

    Looks like something created by some horrid Dilbert corporate-speak generation program.

    And love the Chekhov – will have to steal that for future use..

    Also, reminds me of the old quote (attributed to probably a dozen different people by now):

    “I am sorry for the length of my letter, but I had not the time to write a short one.”

    Have a great weekend!

    Regards,

    Michael

  2. Phil Simon

    One of my faves.

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2 Comments

  1. Michael

    Looks like something created by some horrid Dilbert corporate-speak generation program.

    And love the Chekhov – will have to steal that for future use..

    Also, reminds me of the old quote (attributed to probably a dozen different people by now):

    “I am sorry for the length of my letter, but I had not the time to write a short one.”

    Have a great weekend!

    Regards,

    Michael

  2. Phil Simon

    One of my faves.